Jay Leno....

A very scary moment in Washington, D.C. [last week]. Capitol Police tackled and dragged away a desperate man with two suitcases [who] stationed himself in front of the Capitol building, stayed there for an hour, and demanded to get into the White House. You know, I think John Kerry's starting to lose it. .... NBC is claiming success with its new miniseries "Revelations" which they say is based loosely on the Bible. See they have to say "loosely" because no one in Hollywood actually has a Bible. They had to just wing it. .... Howard Dean is out trying to rally the Democrats for 2008. He said that the Democrats have to stop "speaking down to voters." And then John Kerry said, "I can't do that. What's the point of being better than everyone else if you can't talk down to them?" .... We have a new pope! Cardinal Ratzinger of Germany is now the most powerful Catholic in the world. Well, second most powerful if you count Mel Gibson. .... Well now the pope's election is over, at least we won't have to put up with any more of those negative cardinal campaign commercials. Those were awful. All the papal swift boat ads. .... According to a new poll, 7 out of 10 Americans say the tax code is too complicated. Well duh, that's why they call it a code. They don't want you to understand it. That's the whole idea.