Wednesday Funnies...

Funny stuff from Jay Leno...

Jay Leno.... The New York Post reported that three years ago Osama bin Laden tried to buy massive amounts of cocaine in order to poison it and then sell it here in America. Tainted cocaine -- as opposed to the normal healthy cocaine most Americans enjoy. .... So remember when you buy cocaine, if the safety seal is already broken -- just return it. Always keep your receipt just in case you need to return it. .... A Washington think tank has concluded that the job of finding and removing all illegal immigrants from the United States would cost over 200 billion dollars, and take over five years. That is, unless we hire illegal immigrants to do it, then it would cost us a tenth of the normal price. .... Did you see John Kerry in France? He was over there to meet with Lance Armstrong after his victory. Do you know why? John Kerry at one point...wanted to be a professional bike rider but they could never find a helmet that would fit his head. .... A federal judge has ordered O.J. Simpson to pay $25,000 in damages for pirating satellite television signals from Direct TV. What's next? Are we going to get Robert Blake for downloading music?! .... O.J. insists he's innocent and said he will continue to look for the real pirates. .... A group of U.S. Muslim scholars announced...they have forbidden terrorism. Well that's nipping it in the bud. I'm glad they came out with this so soon, before things got out of hand. .... Al Gore's new TV network will be like the Internet on a television screen; you'll see onscreen menus, Internet slang terms, and a 'progress bar' that shows the length of each segment. Also, to make it just like the Internet, every day at 9 AM it will crash and you'll have to call someone in India to reset it again.