Wednesday Funnies

David Letterman: "Top Surprises In The Dick Cheney Interview": Admitted he's the guy who popped a cap in Suge Knight; Sentenced himself to a week at Gitmo; Revealed list of the next ten old guys he plans to shoot; Pinned Brit Hume to the wall with a ninja throwing star; Spent most of the time talking about who's going to win "American Idol"; His clumsy attempt to pin the entire thing on Michael Brown; Claims it was all part of the plan to make Bush look smarter.

Jay Leno: I did something dumb this weekend—I walked into a Muslim bakery and asked for a Danish. ... There's a new comic book coming out where Batman goes after Osama bin Laden. And you thought radical Muslims hated cartoons before. Holy Shi'ite Batman! ... Did you know this is Black History Month? You'd never know it watching the winter games. Not a lot of brothers curling. ... At the Olympics they had the premiere of a new event called "boardercross." Boardercross? I'd never heard of boardercross. But I figure if there was ever an event where Mexico is going to win the gold this would be it. ... NBC now has 418 hours of Olympic viewing. I think this is day 112 of Olympics. You know what NBC normally calls 418 hours of programming? "Law and Order." ... Hillary Clinton blasted the Vice President for failing to disclose all the facts [about his hunting accident]. She wants Dick Cheney to give exact details. You know like, "How do you shoot someone and make it look like an accident?" ... Hillary said that she finds the administration's refusal to level with the American people "troubling." She also finds it somewhat nostalgic. ... She now has her own wax likeness at Madame Tussaud's. It has a "do not touch" sign on it. Just like the real Hillary.