Thursday Funnies :-)

David Letterman: "Top Signs The Supreme Court Doesn't Give A Darn": Opinion based on coin flip so they could make 2:40 showing of "Superman Returns"; Tough to concentrate with Ruth Bader Ginsburg trying on bikinis; Spent last two days hearing arguments between Barbara Walters and Star Jones; All gavels make crazy "boing" sound; Recesses now take place at area Hooters; Chief Justice John Roberts demands to be called "J. Ro"; After heated debate, ruled 7-to-2 that Aerosmith does indeed rock.

Jay Leno: Did you all have a good 4th of July? Lots of fireworks at my house. See, I invited both Star Jones and Barbara Walters and didn't tell them the other one was coming. ... The Japanese prime minister joined the United States in condemning North Korea's missile policy. The Japanese prime minister was really upset when he found out that they had missiles that could reach Graceland. ... They said these North Korean missiles had enough range to hit Seattle, but residents in Seattle were not worried. Today Bill Gates said Microsoft has enough missiles to destroy North Korea ten times over. ... Mexico had a problem with their election. It was very, very close. In fact, I understand that returns are still coming in from Van Nuys, Rancho Cucamonga, San Jose. ... Congratulations to the Italian people for winning the World Cup. They won after France's best player got ejected for head-butting. That's the closest anyone in a French uniform has come to combat in 60 years.