Wednesday Funnies :-)

David Letterman: “Top Signs Hugo Chavez Is Nuts”: Concludes tense negotiations by dramatically asking, “Deal or no deal?”; Said Bush left behind smell of sulfur, when the smell is actually Old Spice and Milwaukee’s Best; Opens every speech with a rousing, “Meeeeoooow!”; On flight over, watched all of Larry the Cable Guy movie; Told Geico he wasn’t interested in saving 15% on car insurance; Despite security warnings, brought hair gel with him on airplane; Referred to his home country only as “Funkytown.”

Jay Leno: Are you all watching “Survivor: Apartheid”? In this edition of “Survivor” the tribes have been broken up into ethnic groups; whites, blacks, Asians, and Hispanics. The writers are Jewish. ... The U.S. World News & Report cover story this week is about the fact in just a month the U.S. population will hit 300 million people. The Census Bureau says it will happen October 27th depending on whether they are caught by the border patrol. ... Bob Woodward has a new book out. He’s had three now. In the first two he said that President Bush was firmly in command. Now in the third one he says that the Bush administration is in denial with confusion and bickering. Forget all that, I want to know if I can get a refund on the first two books? ... Al Gore says that smoking is a major factor in global warming. Cigarettes are a major factor. Unfortunately when Al Gore gives a speech most people leave the room for a cigarette. ... A reporter said today in the news that he overheard John Kerry saying that he is pretty much feeling what you need to feel to run for president. You know what John? If you just lie down for a while, I think the feeling will pass.