Wednesday Funnies :-)
David Letterman: “Top Ways the Country Would Be Different If a Woman Were President”: On our currency, “In God We Trust” will be replaced with “You Go, Girl!”; NASA’s Mars mission cancelled, replaced by mission to Venus; Wars would be over as soon as someone breaks a nail; Library of Congress changed to Oprah’s Book Club; Terror Threat Level colors are plum, mauve, fuchsia, periwinkle and pink; Inaugural speech urging the nation to “moisturize”; Mandatory prison sentence for leaving the toilet seat up.
Jay Leno: The population of the United States is now at 300 million. It should be 400 million by Christmas. ... In a related story the population of Mexico is now at 38 people. ... There is an initiative in the state of Nevada to legalize small amounts of marijuana. This is the first time marijuana and initiative has appeared in the same sentence. ... Opponents are afraid of the crime element that legalization would attract to the state. Yeah, between the hookers, alcoholics and degenerate gamblers those are the last people you’d want coming into the state. ... North Korea might be testing a second nuke soon. This one could be more powerful than the first one—meaning it could blow up two mailboxes instead of one. ... According to a report by the World Energy Experts, North Korea is so short of electricity that the whole country switches off at 9 o’clock. The electricity is shut off at 9 o’clock. So it’s a country where few people speak English, they have power outages all the time, they’re ruled by a funny looking guy with a strange accent—it’s like California without the traffic. ... Bill Clinton was recently asked about rumors he has once again been unfaithful in his marriage. Many Democrats are concerned with this and have warned him about it. When asked, Bill said that there was nothing to the rumors. One thing we know, when Bill Clinton denies something—we can take that statement to the bank! ... Senator Hillary Clinton says that she would be in favor of legalized torture on terrorists to get information that we need. That’s bad news for Bill!
Jay Leno: The population of the United States is now at 300 million. It should be 400 million by Christmas. ... In a related story the population of Mexico is now at 38 people. ... There is an initiative in the state of Nevada to legalize small amounts of marijuana. This is the first time marijuana and initiative has appeared in the same sentence. ... Opponents are afraid of the crime element that legalization would attract to the state. Yeah, between the hookers, alcoholics and degenerate gamblers those are the last people you’d want coming into the state. ... North Korea might be testing a second nuke soon. This one could be more powerful than the first one—meaning it could blow up two mailboxes instead of one. ... According to a report by the World Energy Experts, North Korea is so short of electricity that the whole country switches off at 9 o’clock. The electricity is shut off at 9 o’clock. So it’s a country where few people speak English, they have power outages all the time, they’re ruled by a funny looking guy with a strange accent—it’s like California without the traffic. ... Bill Clinton was recently asked about rumors he has once again been unfaithful in his marriage. Many Democrats are concerned with this and have warned him about it. When asked, Bill said that there was nothing to the rumors. One thing we know, when Bill Clinton denies something—we can take that statement to the bank! ... Senator Hillary Clinton says that she would be in favor of legalized torture on terrorists to get information that we need. That’s bad news for Bill!
posted by Andy W. Rogers | 7:56 PM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home