Wednesday Funnies :-)

David Letterman: “Top Signs Your Family Is Nuts Presented By Dr. Phil”: You’re 42, but your dad still makes you watch the parade on his shoulders; All of mom’s recipes involve 1 part gin and 3 parts tonic; Breaking the wishbone usually involves a trip to the hospital; The Shi’ites next door ask you to keep the fighting down; Have to eat your dinner without utensils because everyone’s on suicide watch; So-called turkey is wearing a dog collar; Instead of spouses, each member brings an attorney.

Jay Leno: Are you like me and you really didn’t give thanks until the relatives went home? ... President Bush spent Thanksgiving weekend at Camp David with a small group of friends and family. He would have spent it with a large group but there are no Republicans left in Washington. ... Have you heard about the tur-duck-en? Very popular. A chicken inside a duck inside a turkey. They now have Tum-alka-pepto after you eat a tur-duc-ken. It’s a Tums stuck to an Alka-Seltzer covered in Pepto Bismal. ... A popular item this year is gift cards. There’s nothing like saying, “I don’t care, I don’t know what you want, but take this and you’ll find something you like at this store.” ... In an interview with FOX News Sunday, John Kerry said his botched joke about Iraq will not hurt his chances for a presidential run in ‘08. Now see that was funny! That was a good joke. ... According to a new study by National Geographic, 11 percent of Americans between the ages of eighteen and twenty-four could not find the United States on a map of the world. You know the only place where everyone could find the United States on a map? Mexico. ... Texas A&M University is doing research on making cotton edible. Making food from cotton. If it goes over well they should put it on a stick and start selling it at county fairs across the country.