Wednesday Funnies :-)

David Letterman: “Top Questions On The Macy’s Department Store Santa Application”: Do you mind checking your gun at the door?; Have you ever been accused of hiding stolen goods in your beard?; Can you pretend to be jolly making $6.25 an hour?; Would your cheeks be red without the scotch?; Are you prepared to lie about our Playstation 3 availability?; Reindeer allergies?; Can you disarm a kid who comes at you with a sharpened candy cane?; Will your lap support today’s obese children?; Do you own urine-proof pants?; Are you a cop?

Jay Leno: We are right in the middle of Hanukah [which] started last Friday. Christmas is, of course, next week. I had a Jewish friend of mine converted to Christianity last Thursday. It wasn’t for religious reasons, he just hadn’t bought his wife a gift yet and needed the extra time. “What’s the next holiday? Make me one of those.” ... Did you know that President Bush was the first U.S. president to light a menorah at the White House. Although Bill Clinton was the first president to use candles for mood lighting in the Oval Office. The aroma ones. ... President Bush’s gift list is smaller than last year. Just need to get one gift for England and that’s about it this year. ... John Kerry is going to Iraq to visit with the troops. That should boost morale. Lets hope he has some new jokes! ... Half of American consumers are buying gift cards this Christmas. The other half are women. ... I can’t decide which happy holiday movie I want to go see. It’s either “Apocalypto” or “Blood Diamond”! I can’t decide.