Wednesday Funnies :-)

David Letterman: “Top Things Heard Outside Saddam Hussein’s Execution”: Would it have killed him to wear a tie?; You know he left his entire estate to the Boys and Girls Club of New Jersey; $4 for a goat dog; I loved it when Chemical Ali sang “Wind Beneath My Wings”; Not what I had in mind; Let’s start the wave; Is it too soon to start hitting on his wives?; Uday and Qusay wanted to be here, but they were too busing rotting in Hell.

Jay Leno: Nancy Pelosi became the first female Speaker of the House... [She] said today ‘we’ve waited 200 years for this.’ 200 years? How many face lifts has this woman had? ... Just one week after they were back to work, Congress took the day off to watch the BCS [Championship game]. Remember the Democrats promised... a five-day work week. It didn’t even last a week. That’s why they want to raise the minimum wage—they get a wage and give us the minimum. ... There’s some talk in Democrat circles that with Barack Obama becoming so popular that Hillary is considering him for her vice presidential running mate. Give you an idea how popular Obama is, he’s considering Hillary as his vice presidential running mate. ... A new poll shows Hillary Clinton finishing fourth among Democratic hopefuls in Iowa. Which is not really that bad considering she came in eighth behind other women in her own home. ... [A]n Iraqi judge officially dropped all remaining charges against Saddam Hussein. Well, that’s nice. You don’t want to leave a guy hanging. ... U.S. officials have now approved the first anti-obesity drug for dogs. I’m no a veterinarian, but if your dog is over eating, try putting a little less food in the bowl. Do we really need to give him a pill? Is the dog taking your car keys and driving to McDonalds?