Wednesday Funnies :-)
David Letterman: Top Surprises in President Bush’s “60 Minutes” Interview: Interview was conducted in the Camp David hot tub; Announced his candidacy for the 2008 presidential election; While walking through the woods, constantly ducking Cheney buckshot; Vowed in the future he’ll make much better mistakes; All the Heineken empties; Paused for a CIA briefing about likely Golden Globe winners; Bush’s tearful admission he bet entire United States budget on the Chargers.
Jay Leno: It was so cold out [in L.A. today] that even celebrities stopped talking about global warming. ... [Meanwhile], 2006 has been officially named the hottest year on record. When he heard this Al Gore said, “Yes! Oh wait... that’s terrible I mean.” ... Connecticut Senator Christopher Dodd is running for president. He says that he was been having conversations with the mirror over running. The mirror first said, “Who are you again?” The bad news is today the mirror said that it favors Barack Obama. ... John Kerry is hiring staff and preparing another run for the White House. He is telling people he will not make the same mistakes again. This time, all new mistakes. ... Apple unveiled their first combination iPod and cell phone. They say their goal is to create the most annoying person ever to sit behind you in a movie theater. ... Have you heard about this thing? It’s an iPod, cell phone, and also a camera. It allows you to surf the Internet too. How about a cell phone you can actually talk to people on—and hear them? Why don’t we try that first? ... Would you watch movies on a cell phone? How blind would you be then? As if people don’t have enough car accidents. “I can’t take this call, I’m watching a movie.” ... Taser international has begun selling a new stylish cell phone size stun gun for regular use by ordinary people. It’s $350, and sends 50,000 volts for 30 seconds and can be used 50 times before re-charging. Look, if you live in a neighborhood where you have to stun attackers 50 times before you get home, you might want to move to a better neighborhood.
Jay Leno: It was so cold out [in L.A. today] that even celebrities stopped talking about global warming. ... [Meanwhile], 2006 has been officially named the hottest year on record. When he heard this Al Gore said, “Yes! Oh wait... that’s terrible I mean.” ... Connecticut Senator Christopher Dodd is running for president. He says that he was been having conversations with the mirror over running. The mirror first said, “Who are you again?” The bad news is today the mirror said that it favors Barack Obama. ... John Kerry is hiring staff and preparing another run for the White House. He is telling people he will not make the same mistakes again. This time, all new mistakes. ... Apple unveiled their first combination iPod and cell phone. They say their goal is to create the most annoying person ever to sit behind you in a movie theater. ... Have you heard about this thing? It’s an iPod, cell phone, and also a camera. It allows you to surf the Internet too. How about a cell phone you can actually talk to people on—and hear them? Why don’t we try that first? ... Would you watch movies on a cell phone? How blind would you be then? As if people don’t have enough car accidents. “I can’t take this call, I’m watching a movie.” ... Taser international has begun selling a new stylish cell phone size stun gun for regular use by ordinary people. It’s $350, and sends 50,000 volts for 30 seconds and can be used 50 times before re-charging. Look, if you live in a neighborhood where you have to stun attackers 50 times before you get home, you might want to move to a better neighborhood.
posted by Andy W. Rogers | 9:46 PM
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