Wednesday Funnies :-)

David Letterman: “Top Surprises In George W. Bush’s State of the Union Address”: Wore a “Hillary in 2008” T-shirt; Vowed to end America’s dependence on foreign films; When he said “Times are tough. That’s why when I need a little pick-me-up I reach for a Snickers!”; Concluded policy proposal with a rousing “Deal or No Deal?”; For viewers who have HDTV, he was 17 percent Bushier; Showed up late explaining he was watching “American Idol.”

Jay Leno: The Constitution does not specify how long the State of the Union address must be. You know who gave the longest State of the Union address ever? Bill Clinton. You know who gave the shortest? George Washington. It was just a couple of minutes. Well sure, when a politician cannot tell a lie, it limits how much they can say. Clinton could go on for hours. ... The political experts are asking what role Bill Clinton will play in Hillary’s campaign. I’m guessing the cheating husband? ... I guess you heard by now Sen. John Kerry announced he will not run for president, in 2008. He said the time is just not right. You know why it’s not right? It’s an election year. ... John Edwards, who is also running for president, is being criticized because the new house he just moved into is one of the biggest houses in North Carolina. It’s 28,000 square feet on 102 acres. See, Edwards became famous for talking about the two Americas. Now both of them can fit into his backyard. ... Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi is now in Iraq. She made a surprise visit. Well, you thought Bush wanted to bomb the place before! ... She didn’t say how long she was staying in Iraq, and President Bush said he was against setting any timetables for Pelosi to return. He said to bring her back prematurely would send the wrong message.