Wednesday Funnies :-)

David Letterman: “Top Messages Left on Fidel Castro’s Answering Machine”: “Yo, it’s Raul. Where’s the key to the humidor?”; “Which fatigues do you want to be buried in, the olive green ones, or the slightly darker olive green ones?”; “It’s Kim Jong Il—when you’re gone, can I have your Playstation?”; “Mel Gibson here. I think we both know who’s responsible for this.”; “Does this mean you’re dropping out of ‘Dancing With The Stars’?”; “It’s Saddam Hussein—See you soon!”; “Wow, congratulations on having Cuba’s only answering machine!”

Jay Leno: Congress began hearings [last week] on the government’s response to Hurricane Katrina. They’re just investigating Hurricane Katrina now? You know, that’s pretty sad when the government’s investigation to the government’s slow response to Katrina is slower than the government’s response to Katrina. ... Hillary Clinton is hard out on the campaign trail. Hillary is expected to attract the woman vote and, of course, Bill will attract “the other woman” vote. So between the two of them they should have the female vote locked up. ... Is anybody really that surprised that Hillary Clinton is running for president? I’m not surprised. I mean, if you were married to Bill Clinton, wouldn’t you want to be able to tap his phone, read his mail, and torture him? ... Sen. Joe Biden, on the day of announcing his candidacy for president of the United States, called Barack Obama “the first mainstream African-American who is articulate, bright and clean.” I think we’ve seen the shortest presidential campaign in history. ... Biden is making the Democrats long for the comedy routines of John Kerry.