Wednesday Funnies :-)

David Letterman: “Top Ways To Make The Grammy Awards More Exciting”: One Grammy is full of angry yellow jackets; Give a Grammy to the artist whose CD is easiest to open, am I right people?; Michael Richards hands out Rap and Hip Hop awards; Announce Academy Award winners; Performance by Dennis Kucinich; Put another “m” in “Grammy”; Satellite hookup to any winners who are currently incarcerated.

Jay Leno: NASA made it official today: They are no longer going to recruit their astronauts from eHarmony.com. ... Al Gore thanked the music industry for helping to protect the environment. Really? I think Snoop Dogg alone has put enough smoke into the earth’s atmosphere to block out half the sunlight. ... As you know, Al Gore has been nominated for two Academy Awards. But he has a bit of a problem, as far as transportation goes. He doesn’t want to ride there in a big car, and if you’ve seen al lately, he not longer fits in a small car. So unless Hummer comes out with a hybrid in two weeks, he is screwed. ... In an interview with USA Today, Senator Barack Obama says the shortness of his political resume is his “greatest strength.” Politics is the only business where people brag about how little experience they have. Can you imagine guys saying to you, “Look, I’ve never been to medical school, I’ve never even watched E.R., but if you just let me try and do this brain operation I’ll do the best job I can.” ... So many places ban smoking in public. If Barack Obama wants to smoke, he has to go someplace where no one is around. Like a Joe Biden rally. Some place like that. ... Funny story I saw on the news last night. Seems a couple of people walking down the street in Washington, DC, passed actor Will Smith and they thought he was Barack Obama! They stopped him and said they’re voting for him in 2008. Actually, [the] same thing happened to Elton John. People thought he was Hillary... Famous designer Donatella Versace has recommended that Hillary Clinton stop wearing those pant suits and start wearing dresses and skirts. Versace said Hillary should treat femininity as an opportunity. You know, the way Bill does.