Wednesday Funnies :-)
David Letterman: “Top Surprises in Barack Obama’s 60 Minutes Interview”: Interview took place in a car as Obama stalked a hunky astronaut; Kept calling Steve Kroft “Doctor”; Criticized Bush for not doing anything to prevent “Norbit”; Announced plans for a lavish Broadway musical “Obama Mia!”; Vowed to reduce Al Gore’s pants size by 2012; Andy Rooney wandered in to complain that there aren’t enough candidates named Chet; Confessed to switching to Geico after seeing those charming caveman commercials; He’s voting for Hillary.
Jay Leno: The state of Virginia’s General Assembly has passed a resolution apologizing for slavery. Not a moment too soon. It’s good to nip these things in the bud before any hard feelings develop. ... Speaking of that, according to a new report by genealogists, Al Sharpton’s ancestors were slaves once owned by Strom Thurmond’s relatives. And now Al Sharpton wants a DNA test to see if they are related. And somehow you know this is going to end up that Strom is the father of Anna Nicole’s baby. You know that’s going to happen. ... Did you all watch the Oscars [Sunday] night? I tried to TiVo the show, but my TiVo only holds 30 hours of programs. ... It was so long that parts of Peter O’Toole were starting to fall off. ... Bank of America will be giving out credit cards to illegals. See, this way they won’t need cash. You can buy forged papers and phony drivers licenses on credit. ... Democratic presidential candidate Tom Vilsack announced he has dropped out of the race. The reason cited? He’s Tom Vilsack. Now the hard part—telling his supporter. ... Hillary Clinton is being pressed on why she hasn’t apologized for voting in favor of the war in Iraq. In reply to this, Hillary actually told voters who are upset about this, “You have other choices.” Something, of course, Bill already knows. ... It looks like Hollywood is starting to turn on Hillary Clinton. Hollywood mogul David Geffen—he’s given huge amounts to the Clintons—[said] that Hillary Clinton is too scripted, that Bill Clinton is reckless, and both of the Clintons lie so easily it’s troubling. Bad scripts, reckless behavior, and lying—thank God that kind of thing can never happen here in Hollywood! ... Hillary Clinton’s campaign wants Barack Obama to publicly renounce Geffen’s statement attacking the Clintons. Geffen said, ‘I know everyone in politics has to lie, but the Clintons do it with such ease, it’s troubling.’ I think that’s an unfair statement. Just because you’re really good at something doesn’t mean it’s easy.
Jay Leno: The state of Virginia’s General Assembly has passed a resolution apologizing for slavery. Not a moment too soon. It’s good to nip these things in the bud before any hard feelings develop. ... Speaking of that, according to a new report by genealogists, Al Sharpton’s ancestors were slaves once owned by Strom Thurmond’s relatives. And now Al Sharpton wants a DNA test to see if they are related. And somehow you know this is going to end up that Strom is the father of Anna Nicole’s baby. You know that’s going to happen. ... Did you all watch the Oscars [Sunday] night? I tried to TiVo the show, but my TiVo only holds 30 hours of programs. ... It was so long that parts of Peter O’Toole were starting to fall off. ... Bank of America will be giving out credit cards to illegals. See, this way they won’t need cash. You can buy forged papers and phony drivers licenses on credit. ... Democratic presidential candidate Tom Vilsack announced he has dropped out of the race. The reason cited? He’s Tom Vilsack. Now the hard part—telling his supporter. ... Hillary Clinton is being pressed on why she hasn’t apologized for voting in favor of the war in Iraq. In reply to this, Hillary actually told voters who are upset about this, “You have other choices.” Something, of course, Bill already knows. ... It looks like Hollywood is starting to turn on Hillary Clinton. Hollywood mogul David Geffen—he’s given huge amounts to the Clintons—[said] that Hillary Clinton is too scripted, that Bill Clinton is reckless, and both of the Clintons lie so easily it’s troubling. Bad scripts, reckless behavior, and lying—thank God that kind of thing can never happen here in Hollywood! ... Hillary Clinton’s campaign wants Barack Obama to publicly renounce Geffen’s statement attacking the Clintons. Geffen said, ‘I know everyone in politics has to lie, but the Clintons do it with such ease, it’s troubling.’ I think that’s an unfair statement. Just because you’re really good at something doesn’t mean it’s easy.
posted by Andy W. Rogers | 7:57 PM
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