Wednesday Funnies :-)

David Letterman: “Top Other New York Times Allegations Against Al Gore”: In addition to “An Inconvenient Truth,” wrote “Big Momma’s House 2”; Against CO2 emissions, yet he insists on exhaling carbon dioxide; Ordered his vice presidential limousine stocked with Yoo-Hoo and caramels; Al Gore, al-Qa’ida? Not a coincidence; “Al” is short for “Alice”; Real reason polar bears are endangered—he’s eating them.

Jay Leno: I guess you heard, today was a big day for the U.S. Border Patrol. They caught 500 immigrants trying to sneak into the country and 200 Halliburton executives trying to sneak out. ... Nebraska Senator Chuck Hagel—he’s a Republican—called a press conference to announce he’ll be making a decision about running for president sometime later in the year. So, he called a press conference to say maybe later in the year he’s going to say something important. This is the kind of bold, decisive leadership this country needs. ... Did you see all those people protesting while President Bush was in Latin America? Bush hasn’t had that many people shouting “Gringo go home!” since his last trip to LA. ... Last week NASA fired that crazy astronaut Lisa Nowak. Apparently there was no place at NASA for an unstable woman. The good news? Today she was hired as co-host of “The View.” ... Rudy Giuliani has defended Newt Gingrich, saying it’s okay Newt had an affair and that no one is perfect. That’s when you know the Republicans are in trouble—when a guy with three marriages and an affair is defending the guy with three marriages and two affairs, so they can team up and beat a Clinton. ... In a speech in South Carolina, presidential candidate Joe Biden says he has a plan for Iraq, he can solve the problem and it’s time to make a change. And then the kid at the counter said, ‘Uh mister, do you want fries with this?