Wednesday Funnies :-)

David Letterman: “Top Reasons Rosie O’Donnell Is Leaving The View”: Couldn’t maintain rigorous one-hour-a-day work schedule; It’s been awkward ever since she threw Joy Behar through a plate glass window; Gearing up for the Kucinich-O’Donnell 2008 campaign; She feels she can get more feuding done by working at home; Can make more money wrasslin’ gators in Florida; Tired of empty gin bottles in Barbara Walters’ office; Tested positive for steroids.

Jay Leno: Today thousands of immigrant students cut class to protest how tough our immigration polices are. If our immigration polices are so tough, how come we have thousands of immigrant students? I don't quite understand how that works. ... Senate Majority Harry Reid says his fellow Democrats in Congress will pass a bill to start pulling our troops out of Iraq on October 1st. He said October 1st is the day, but says he won’t say what time of day because he doesn’t want to tip off al-Qa’ida. ... People are still talking about the big Democratic debate they had last week. They were originally supposed to have their debate on Fox, but the candidates decided against going on Fox because Fox was unfair. So they chose MSNBC, which is unwatched. So really it was a tough choice—unfair or unwatched. ... Eight Democratic presidential candidates squared off in the first presidential debate. Did anybody watch it? Nobody watched it. We need to make it like ‘American Idol.’ Each week we vote another one off. ... They were all talking about the environment. Of all the candidates in the debate, not one of them took a commercial flight or even shared a jet to help cut down on fuel and emissions. They each took their own separate jet plane to get there. They said this way the breeze would cool the earth. I’m not buying it. ... John Edwards apologized for his $400 haircut. He said it was a mistake, especially in the back, where they didn’t feather enough.