Wednesday Funnies :-)
Conan O’Brien: “The Washington Post reports that Sen. Hillary Clinton is trying to win the Democratic nomination by reaching out to women. After hearing this, Bill Clinton said, ‘Oh sure, when she does it, it’s OK’.”
David Letterman: “Top Surprises in Ronald Reagan’s Personal Diary”: Sold arms to Iran, and hair dye to Mike Wallace; Warned a young Senator Gore to “Go easy on the pastries”; Never forgave Michael Jackson for stealing “The Moonwalk”; Began each morning by taking a leak in the Rose Garden—that doesn’t seem right!; In the early 80s he caught a severe case of Pac Man fever; Had many conversations with Robert Klein about how Letterman didn’t deserve a show; More than once, he tried to rub the spot off Gorbachev’s head.
Jay Leno: Hillary Clinton used three private jets in a single day in a campaign swing through South Carolina. Today she was officially named a Hollywood environmentalist. ... Did you see the Republican debate? I tried to TiVo it, but my TiVo said, “Not interested.” ... Ten white guys. They called it the “Thrilla in Vanilla.” It looked like a meeting of the Hair Club for Men. I think GOP stands for Grey Old and Pale. ... President Bush and first lady Laura Bush hosted the queen of England at a big state dinner. I thought this was nice of President Bush—he took the time to learn a little bit of English so he could speak with her. ... The Queen was welcomed with a 21-gun salute. Well, 22 if you count Cheney’s gun, which went off accidentally. ... One embarrassing moment when the queen told President Bush she had been on the throne over 55 years and Bush said, “Try Metamucil.” ... [Saturday was] Cinco de Mayo, which in Spanish means they outnumber us five to one. ... There is a big investigation going on in Los Angeles when there was a scuffle between police and immigration protesters. At one point, police tried to disperse the crowd using pepper spray. But they realized the crowd was immune to that, so they had to switch to the much hotter jalapeno spray. Which is illegal. You can’t use the jalapeno spray.
David Letterman: “Top Surprises in Ronald Reagan’s Personal Diary”: Sold arms to Iran, and hair dye to Mike Wallace; Warned a young Senator Gore to “Go easy on the pastries”; Never forgave Michael Jackson for stealing “The Moonwalk”; Began each morning by taking a leak in the Rose Garden—that doesn’t seem right!; In the early 80s he caught a severe case of Pac Man fever; Had many conversations with Robert Klein about how Letterman didn’t deserve a show; More than once, he tried to rub the spot off Gorbachev’s head.
Jay Leno: Hillary Clinton used three private jets in a single day in a campaign swing through South Carolina. Today she was officially named a Hollywood environmentalist. ... Did you see the Republican debate? I tried to TiVo it, but my TiVo said, “Not interested.” ... Ten white guys. They called it the “Thrilla in Vanilla.” It looked like a meeting of the Hair Club for Men. I think GOP stands for Grey Old and Pale. ... President Bush and first lady Laura Bush hosted the queen of England at a big state dinner. I thought this was nice of President Bush—he took the time to learn a little bit of English so he could speak with her. ... The Queen was welcomed with a 21-gun salute. Well, 22 if you count Cheney’s gun, which went off accidentally. ... One embarrassing moment when the queen told President Bush she had been on the throne over 55 years and Bush said, “Try Metamucil.” ... [Saturday was] Cinco de Mayo, which in Spanish means they outnumber us five to one. ... There is a big investigation going on in Los Angeles when there was a scuffle between police and immigration protesters. At one point, police tried to disperse the crowd using pepper spray. But they realized the crowd was immune to that, so they had to switch to the much hotter jalapeno spray. Which is illegal. You can’t use the jalapeno spray.
posted by Andy W. Rogers | 7:52 PM
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