Wednesday Funnies :-)
Jimmy Kimmel: “Hopeless Democratic presidential candidate Dennis Kucinich was hospitalized for food poisoning on Sunday night. He’s fine now; he’s been released from Cleveland Children’s hospital. I guess he ate out of the wrong bird feeder.”
Conan O’Brien: “Last [week] the Senate held an all-night session. Sen. Hillary Clinton gave a speech at four in the morning. It was the first time Hillary gave a speech at four in the morning that didn’t begin with, ‘Where the hell have you been?”’
Jay Leno: The U.S. Senate held an all-night session last [week], trying to get the votes needed to begin troop withdrawal from Iraq. They lost. They stayed in the Senate chamber all night long, with some of them sleeping on cots. In fact, Hillary stayed up so late, she actually saw Bill sneaking in. ... Things got a little testy at about four o’clock in the morning when a fight broke out between Senator David Vitter and 89-year-old Senator Robert Byrd over the last diaper. ... According to a new Zogby poll, the new Congress has hit another historic low—14 percent of people approve of Congress. And that’s just the hookers who work for the DC madam. ... Al Gore’s lovely daughter Sarah got married over the weekend. Critics are now bashing Al Gore for serving Chilean sea bass at his daughter’s wedding, because it is an endangered species. In his defense, whenever Al Gore picks up a knife and fork, any species is endangered. ... Next month, right here in Los Angeles, the leading Democratic presidential candidates will hold a gay debate—it will be a televised debate to discuss just gay issues. Well, how much is John Edwards going to spend on his hair for that? ... John Edwards is continuing his “Poverty Tour” around America. Today he visited with a group of people who get their hair cut at a place called “a barber shop.” He was horrified at their stories. ... John Edwards has a new TV commercial touting him as a tough guy. His wife says he has unbelievable toughness. And he is tough. Like in the ad, it says sometimes he shampoos his hair and then skips the conditioner completely and goes commando.
Conan O’Brien: “Last [week] the Senate held an all-night session. Sen. Hillary Clinton gave a speech at four in the morning. It was the first time Hillary gave a speech at four in the morning that didn’t begin with, ‘Where the hell have you been?”’
Jay Leno: The U.S. Senate held an all-night session last [week], trying to get the votes needed to begin troop withdrawal from Iraq. They lost. They stayed in the Senate chamber all night long, with some of them sleeping on cots. In fact, Hillary stayed up so late, she actually saw Bill sneaking in. ... Things got a little testy at about four o’clock in the morning when a fight broke out between Senator David Vitter and 89-year-old Senator Robert Byrd over the last diaper. ... According to a new Zogby poll, the new Congress has hit another historic low—14 percent of people approve of Congress. And that’s just the hookers who work for the DC madam. ... Al Gore’s lovely daughter Sarah got married over the weekend. Critics are now bashing Al Gore for serving Chilean sea bass at his daughter’s wedding, because it is an endangered species. In his defense, whenever Al Gore picks up a knife and fork, any species is endangered. ... Next month, right here in Los Angeles, the leading Democratic presidential candidates will hold a gay debate—it will be a televised debate to discuss just gay issues. Well, how much is John Edwards going to spend on his hair for that? ... John Edwards is continuing his “Poverty Tour” around America. Today he visited with a group of people who get their hair cut at a place called “a barber shop.” He was horrified at their stories. ... John Edwards has a new TV commercial touting him as a tough guy. His wife says he has unbelievable toughness. And he is tough. Like in the ad, it says sometimes he shampoos his hair and then skips the conditioner completely and goes commando.
posted by Andy W. Rogers | 7:32 PM
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