Wednesday Funnies :-)

Conan O’Brien: “Bill Clinton is promoting his new book. In an interview, Former President Bill Clinton says although most people don’t know it, Hillary has the best laugh. Bill added, ‘I get to hear it every time she pushes me down the stairs’.”

David Letterman: “Top Surprises in General Petraeus’s Report to Congress”: Opens with a forward from Jerry Stiller; Kurds and Sunnis are contemplating joining forces under the new name, “Kurnis”; Addressed some congressman as “Mommy”; An entire section devoted to his famous ham salad recipe; Most of his solutions were based on old episodes of “MacGyver”; Said more needs to be done about senators with wide restroom stances.

Jay Leno: General Petraeus [testified] before Congress and a number of senators accused General Petraeus of lying. You’ve gotta understand why they’re upset. If you are going to deceive the American people, you do it the right way: You run for Congress. ... Vice President Dick Cheney is very upset about the way Gen. Petraeus has been treated by the Democrats. Cheney said it’s horrible the way people mock and treat a soldier. I’ll be sure to pass that on to John Kerry when I see him. ... A New Orleans prostitute has come forward and said she has had sex with married Louisiana Senator David Vitter two or three times a week over a four-month period. This is actually good news for the Republicans. Finally a sex scandal involving a woman. ... Senator Vitter is denying this woman’s allegations. Who are you gonna believe, a U.S. senator or a hooker? I’ve gotta go with the hooker. ... Prison officials in New Jersey, this week, had to use tear gas to break up a prison riot. You know what they call tear gas in New Jersey? Air freshener.