Thursday Funnies :-)

Jay Leno: What a terrific audience we have. We have 500 people here tonight. We have straight people, we have gay people, we have white people, we have black people. It’s like a Dick Cheney family reunion. ... Dick Cheney and Barack Obama are eighth cousins. Isn’t that amazing? Even more amazing: Dick Cheney, Darth Vader—second cousins. ... Lynne Cheney says that Obama and Cheney’s connection was the result of one of Obama’s ancestors marrying one of Cheney’s ancestors in 1650. You know who introduced them in 1650? Bob Dole. ... President Bush met with the Dalai Lama at the White House. One kind of awkward moment: When the Dalai Lama walked into the Oval Office, he was wearing the traditional robe, and President Bush started chanting, “Toga, Toga!” ... [The Dalai Lama] was given the [Congressional] Medal of Freedom. As you know, the Dalai Lama does not engage in sex, drugs, alcohol or tobacco. Which raises the question, what was Congress honoring him for? This goes against everything Congress represents. ... Republican Senator Sam Brownback’s campaign announced he will drop out of the presidential race. Now the hard part, of course, is breaking the news to his supporter. ... I mean the writing was on the wall. You knew it was going to happen. Like at the last presidential debate, the only question he got was, “I’m sorry, what’s your name again?” ... A new study found that screeners at L.A. International Airport missed 75 percent of the big bombs that were sent through the line as tests. However, they did confiscate 100 percent of people’s water bottles, which forced them to buy new ones at the airport gift shop.