Wednesday Funnies :-)

Conan O’Brien: "Presidential candidate Dennis Kucinich says that he once had an encounter with a UFO. Apparently, several weird looking, little men got off the ship, saw Kucinich, and said, ‘It’s alright. He’s one of us’."

David Letterman: From “Top Ten Things Overheard During Dick Cheney’s Hunting Trip”: Has everyone updated their will? The crisp air is giving me goose bumps—no, wait, it’s another heart attack; This can’t end well; My pacemaker also makes bird calls; You shoot one guy in the face, avoid talking to authorities, delay taking a blood-alcohol test, and you’re labeled a bad guy; Duck!

Jay Leno: Lot of candidates getting into the Halloween spirit. Today, John Edwards said he was going to get a $15 haircut and go as someone from the other America. ... Even FEMA employees are celebrating Halloween. They’re all getting dressed up as reporters this year. ... FEMA is handling another disaster—its own Public Relations department. This is unbelievable to me! FEMA has apologized for staging a fake news conference on the California wildfires. They had a fake news conference in which FEMA employees pretended to be reporters and asked softball questions to their idiot boss. It was obvious the reporters were FEMA workers because the questions were about the 2003 fire. ... New York Governor Eliot Spitzer has announced that New York will give driver’s licenses to illegal immigrants. So, for the first time ever, a lot of New York City cab drivers will actually have a license. ... Democrats in Congress have announced they will now be taking Fridays off. Apparently, they were getting worried their approval rating was too high. ... The president of France, Nicolas Sarkozy, and his wife have gotten a divorce. Apparently, there were rumors of infidelity and lack of trust. To which Bill and Hillary said, ‘Well, that’s no reason to get divorced’.