Bush Refuses to Read McClellan's Book, Calling It 'A Book' :-)

Puts Chances of Reading Book at Zero

The Borowitz Report

On a day when Washington was abuzz with the news that former White House spokesperson Scott McClellan had published a tell-all memoir, President George W. Bush offered his personal reason for not reading it.

"I have no intention of reading Scott McClellan's book," Mr. Bush told reporters, "because it's a book."

Mr. Bush said he was "surprised" that Mr. McClellan had written a book to criticize him because "if you're trying to communicate some criticism to me, a book is pretty much the last place you'd put it."

The president said that he thought the chances of his someday reading Mr. McClellan's book were "zero," adding, "If I didn't read the Iraq Study Group's report, I really don't think I'm about to read Scott McClellan's little book."

Presidential historian Davis Logsdon of the University of Minnesota observed that if Mr. McClellan honestly expected his memoir to somehow reach Mr. Bush's nightstand, "that demonstrates just how little he knows George W. Bush."

"Scott McClellan would have had a much better shot if he had put his memoir in Xbox 360 format and then slipped it into a package labeled 'Grand Theft Auto 5,'" he said.

For his part, Mr. Bush said that there was in fact a book published this week that had caught his eye: the new James Bond thrilled entitled "Devil May Care."

"Now, that book looks like it could be good," he said. "Maybe I'll have Laura read it to me."