Wednesday Funnies :-)

David Letterman: From the “Top Ten Ways to Make the Democratic Convention More Fun”: Every night, one lucky lady gets to go home with John Edwards; In honor of party mascot, serve assortment of delicious donkey and mule treats; Special appearance by the exhumed remains of Lyndon Johnson; Give John Kerry’s crazy wife five minutes to say whatever she wants; Kick things off with a song from Dennis Kucinich; Try to squeeze Al Gore into the same suit he wore at the 2000 convention.

Jay Leno: As you all know by now, Barack Obama sent out a cell phone text message at 3 a.m. on Saturday morning to tell everyone he picked Joe Biden as his vice president. How do you think this makes Hillary Clinton feel, huh? Finally, she gets a telephone call at 3 a.m.—it’s to tell her they picked Joe Biden. ... Well, you know at the Democratic Convention this week in Denver, both Bill and Hillary will be speaking. Not to each other, of course. ... John McCain is an older, white-haired man who has been in the Senate for over 20 years, voted for the Iraq War, and said Barack Obama did not have the experience to be president. I’m sorry, that’s our intro for next week when Joe Biden is on, I got confused.