Wednesday Funnies :-)

Conan O’Brien: “[Monday] the House of Representatives voted against the Wall Street bailout plan, a plan which House Minority Leader John Boehner called ‘a crap sandwich.’ Yeah, that’s what he said. Congress hasn’t given up though. They’re already working on a new plan which they call ‘a crap sandwich with cheese’.”

David Letterman: From the “Top Ten Signs Your Bank Is In Trouble”: Ask to withdraw $100 and they Xerox five 20s; Once a week, bank president is led away in handcuffs; Was a savings and loan, now a savings and loan and chicken shack; “Vault” is the trunk of a late model Chevy Malibu; They tell bank robbers, “Sorry, the CEO beat you to it”; They tried to borrow money from you; Instead of a mint, teller offers you an anti-depressant.

Jay Leno: Before we begin, I want to warn people from Nigeria who might be watching our show, if you get any emails from Washington asking for money, it’s a scam. Don’t fall for it. ... As you know the bailout was voted down. People are stunned. Nancy Pelosi was so shocked, if she could have made a facial expression, she would have. ... You know, these things are so complicated. I guess the big problem was the plan came in two parts, and they couldn’t agree on which part to implement first: the smoke or the mirrors. ... Now that Congress is not in session, the economy made a big comeback. That’s the key—send these idiots home. ... Did you all watch the presidential debate Friday night? You know, a lot of analysts were calling it a tie; they say neither man stumbled. That’s how low the bar is now. Apparently not stumbling is considered a huge accomplishment in politics. ... I love the way the moderator, Jim Lehrer, tried to get both candidates to talk to each other. What are we in couples-counseling now? Tell him how that made you feel.