P.J. O'Rourke Quotes

I stopped listening to Rush when he tried to convince everyone that George Bush is a conservative. I also lost a lot of respect for him at that time. Now, he seems to just be a mouthpiece for the GOP.

P.J. O'Rourke, on the other hand, never changes. Here's a few good ones from the Republican Reptile:

"America wasn't founded so that we could all be better. America was founded so we could all be anything we damned well pleased."

"Automobiles are free of egotism, passion, prejudice and stupid ideas about where to have dinner. They are, literally, selfless. A world designed for automobiles instead of people would have wider streets, larger dining rooms, fewer stairs to climb and no smelly, dangerous subway stations."

"Every government is a parliament of whores. The trouble is, in a democracy, the whores are us."

"Feeling good about government is like looking on the bright side of any catastrophe. When you quit looking on the bright side, the catastrophe is still there."

"Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys."

"If government were a product, selling it would be illegal."

"If you say a modern celebrity is an adulterer, a pervert and a drug addict, all it means is that you've read his autobiography."

"Let's reintroduce corporal punishment in the schools - and use it on the teachers."

"Social Security is a government program with a constituency made up of the old, the near old and those who hope or fear to grow old. After 215 years of trying, we have finally discovered a special interest that includes 100 percent of the population. Now we can vote ourselves rich."

"The Clinton administration launched an attack on people in Texas because those people were religious nuts with guns. Hell, this country was founded by religious nuts with guns. Who does Bill Clinton think stepped ashore on Plymouth Rock?"

"The Democrats are the party that says government will make you smarter, taller, richer, and remove the crabgrass on your lawn. The Republicans are the party that says government doesn't work and then they get elected and prove it."

"The mystery of government is not how Washington works but how to make it stop."

"Whatever it is that the government does, sensible Americans would prefer that the government does it to somebody else. This is the idea behind foreign policy."

"When buying and selling are controlled by legislation, the first things to be bought and sold are legislators."

"You can't get rid of poverty by giving people money."