Wednesday Funnies

Jay Leno: Judge Samuel Alito was confirmed to the Supreme Court. President Bush said that Sam has the intellect necessary to bring a lot of class to the Court. Like the rest of the judges are sitting around in their underpants eating Cheetos. ... He replaces Sandra Day O'Connor who is leaving the court to be a regular on "Dancing with the Stars." ... Hillary Clinton said this week that she doesn't agree with either the people who say we should be in Iraq or her friends who say we should be out. Thanks for clearing that up. Think she's running for president? Even John Kerry said, "Pick a position!" ... "Walk The Line" was passed over for best picture nomination. Which makes "Brokeback Mountain" the clear favorite. If Johnny Cash had fallen for Jimmy Carter instead of June Carter... they would have had a lockout. ... In Washington news the Pentagon announced plans to build a new long range weapons as a deterrent to China. Unfortunately, we don't have any factories left in this country so the weapons will be built in China. ... This week in 1933, Adolph Hitler was named Chancellor of Germany, thus creating the History Channel. ... It was on this day in 1690 that the first paper money in America was issued. Which, of course, lead to the creation of the Republican Party. It was also on this day in 1913 that congress was granted the right to levy taxes on income. Which, of course, lead to the creation of the Democrat Party.