Wednesday Funnies... :-)
David Letterman: "Top Ways United States Automakers Can Increase Sales": Rig GPS screens to display Cinemax After Dark; Switch gas and brake pedals to make driving more exciting; Zero down! Zero interest! Zero payment until after the bird flu pandemic!; Cars come with monkey that keeps an eye on your blind spot; Bumpers that make comical "boing" sound; Find a way to make objects in mirror appear even closer; Fill airbags with delicious butterscotch pudding.
Jay Leno: [T]he capitol building Washington, DC was on lockdown because someone heard gunshots from the parking lot. When the capitol police heard this they all said the same thing—"Cheney!" ... Police conducted a room-by-room search of the Capitol Building today. And that's just what congressmen want to hear: a knock at the door, "It's the police." They were flushing bribe money. Ted Kennedy was out on the ledge naked. ... Hillary Clinton called for Americans to save gas by returning to the 55 mile per hour speed limit. I'm not going to believe she's serious about saving gas until I see her and Bill actually drive somewhere together in the same car. ... The highest gas prices in the nation are in San Diego at an average of $3.40 a gallon. This is especially tough on illegal immigrants. Do you know how hard it is to hide in the trunk of a hybrid car? ... Mexican President Vicente Fox was in the United States last week. He says he came here so he could speak directly to the Mexican people, one on one. ... He's in the U.S. for four days. Well, that's how it always starts. Four days, then three weeks, then four months. ... Former Enron founder Ken Lay and former CEO Jeffrey Skilling were found guilty in the Enron case. Ken Lay is so guilty I'm surprised people aren't calling him Congressman Ken Lay. ... They found a sunken Roman city off the coast of Egypt that is 2,000 years old. They believe it happened during the reign of Emperor Ray Nagin.
Jay Leno: [T]he capitol building Washington, DC was on lockdown because someone heard gunshots from the parking lot. When the capitol police heard this they all said the same thing—"Cheney!" ... Police conducted a room-by-room search of the Capitol Building today. And that's just what congressmen want to hear: a knock at the door, "It's the police." They were flushing bribe money. Ted Kennedy was out on the ledge naked. ... Hillary Clinton called for Americans to save gas by returning to the 55 mile per hour speed limit. I'm not going to believe she's serious about saving gas until I see her and Bill actually drive somewhere together in the same car. ... The highest gas prices in the nation are in San Diego at an average of $3.40 a gallon. This is especially tough on illegal immigrants. Do you know how hard it is to hide in the trunk of a hybrid car? ... Mexican President Vicente Fox was in the United States last week. He says he came here so he could speak directly to the Mexican people, one on one. ... He's in the U.S. for four days. Well, that's how it always starts. Four days, then three weeks, then four months. ... Former Enron founder Ken Lay and former CEO Jeffrey Skilling were found guilty in the Enron case. Ken Lay is so guilty I'm surprised people aren't calling him Congressman Ken Lay. ... They found a sunken Roman city off the coast of Egypt that is 2,000 years old. They believe it happened during the reign of Emperor Ray Nagin.
posted by Andy W. Rogers | 9:07 PM
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