Wednesday Funnies :-)
David Letterman: "Top Signs New York City Is Becoming More Polite": After selling a hot dog, vendors share helpful food poisoning remedies; Batteries thrown by New York Yankees fans are the environmentally-friendly rechargeable kind; Muggers say, "May I?" before gutting you like a carp; Cab drivers no longer curse and give the finger at the same time; Two words: complimentary rats; "Thank you" always follows, "Do as I say and no one gets hurt"; Number of motorists who stop at red lights is up to 8%.
Jay Leno: President Bush went to Iraq to boost the new government. That shows how rough the situation is in Iraq when a guy with a 30% approval rating stops by to give you a boost. ... President Bush sneaked into Iraq without any formal paperwork, which I guess would make him an undocumented leader. ... President Bush returned safely from his surprise trip to Iraq. A lot of people criticize him, saying he was only in Iraq for five hours. Hey, it's still five hours longer than the French were there. ... Democrats are refusing to give President Bush any credit for killing al-Zarqawi. Like today Al Gore blamed it on global warming. And John Kerry said of the two 500 pound bombs that hit the safe house, he voted for the first bomb—not the second one. ... Gore said they could have gotten the same job done with one hybrid mini bomb that runs on vegetable oil. Less pollution. ... What's the difference between al-Zarqawi and Patrick Kennedy? Patrick Kennedy will get bombed again. ... Remember those $1,000 credit cards given to the victims of Hurricane Katrina? Congressional investigators now say FEMA was conned out of over $1.4 billion in bogus claims. Imagine how much worse it would have been if FEMA had actually gotten there on time? ... Congress is outraged by these bogus claims. Congress said, "If people want to break the law and steal taxpayer money, hey, get elected to Congress like everybody else."... Bill Clinton said it is now recognized that he and Al Gore were right about global warming. Get the feeling right now Gore is going, "We?" The only thing Clinton thought was hot back in the '90s was Paula Jones.
Jay Leno: President Bush went to Iraq to boost the new government. That shows how rough the situation is in Iraq when a guy with a 30% approval rating stops by to give you a boost. ... President Bush sneaked into Iraq without any formal paperwork, which I guess would make him an undocumented leader. ... President Bush returned safely from his surprise trip to Iraq. A lot of people criticize him, saying he was only in Iraq for five hours. Hey, it's still five hours longer than the French were there. ... Democrats are refusing to give President Bush any credit for killing al-Zarqawi. Like today Al Gore blamed it on global warming. And John Kerry said of the two 500 pound bombs that hit the safe house, he voted for the first bomb—not the second one. ... Gore said they could have gotten the same job done with one hybrid mini bomb that runs on vegetable oil. Less pollution. ... What's the difference between al-Zarqawi and Patrick Kennedy? Patrick Kennedy will get bombed again. ... Remember those $1,000 credit cards given to the victims of Hurricane Katrina? Congressional investigators now say FEMA was conned out of over $1.4 billion in bogus claims. Imagine how much worse it would have been if FEMA had actually gotten there on time? ... Congress is outraged by these bogus claims. Congress said, "If people want to break the law and steal taxpayer money, hey, get elected to Congress like everybody else."... Bill Clinton said it is now recognized that he and Al Gore were right about global warming. Get the feeling right now Gore is going, "We?" The only thing Clinton thought was hot back in the '90s was Paula Jones.
posted by Andy W. Rogers | 7:37 PM
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