Wednesday Funnies :-)

David Letterman: “Top Signs Katie Couric Doesn’t [Care]”: Addresses every guest as “my dawg”; Told Matthew McConaughey she’d rather drink Drano than see his new movie; Instead of waving to bystanders gathered outside the studio, she gives them the finger; During a cooking demonstration, she ashed her cig in the foie gras; The brand new CBS eye tattoo; Just holds newspaper up to the camera; Long awkward pauses while she stares at her watch; “This is Today” replaced by “This is soooooo yesterday”; Introduces a new feature: “Who gives a rat’s [rear end] where Matt Lauer is?”

Jay Leno: It was announced in England that Tony Blair will leave as British Prime Minister in May. So, President Bush has toppled yet another government. ... The president of Iran said today that all the liberals should be kicked out of all universities. I think we found the guy for Ann Coulter. ... Some health experts are warning obesity is becoming a bigger problem than global warming. Isn’t that amazing? Al Gore solving one problem, causing another. ... Janet Jackson said in an interview she’s supporting Hillary Clinton for president because she said it would show all those people who don’t trust a woman in the White House. But to be fair, when Hillary lived there, she didn’t trust women in the White House. ... Pakistan announced today it will not arrest Osama bin Laden provided he promises to live a peaceful life. Okay, as long as he promises. And you thought L.A. was a safe place for famous murders to live? ... Anti-war activist Cindy Sheehan has announced she’s going to live in a tree house in Crawford, Texas. Now, you thought Bush liked to go to Crawford and clear brush and cut down trees before.