Wednesday Funnies :-)

David Letterman: “Top Signs George W. Bush Is Depressed”: Speaks wistfully of the days when his approval rating was 33%; Barely musters a smile when catching Cheney torture detainees; Barely laughs anymore during “Happy Days” reruns; No longer pretends he quit drinking; Sits in the Oval Office listening to Fleetwood Mac’s “Landslide” over and over; At lunch with Speaker-to-be Nancy Pelosi, he hardly touched his fish sticks.

Jay Leno: I have some good news about the health of Fidel Castro—it got worse! ... John Kerry came out of the closet today. Literally he came out. He’s not gay, the Democrats just let him out of the closet. ... “Borat” is the number one movie in the country. It’s a tall bumbling guy who can’t speak English. He travels around the country annoying people and is often confused. Oh wait, that’s John Kerry. ... Turns out the two biggest things that hurt Republicans in the election were sex and money scandals. After all these years of attacking Hollywood it turns out they are Hollywood! ... I’m so glad the election is done. Now the only annoying political speech you’ll hear is at a Barbra Streisand concert. ... An amendment to legalize marijuana in Nevada was voted down. It probably would have passed but all the people already on marijuana didn’t show up to the polls until today. ... Did you see Nancy Pelosi and President Bush during their lunch meeting last week? And you thought you saw more fake smiles when the Clinton’s were together. ... John McCain is forming an exploratory committee to run for president. Not to be outdone, Hillary Clinton is also forming an exploratory committee just to try and keep track of Bill. ... Wal-Mart will allow employees to say “Merry Christmas” this year. This year they can do that. They finally learned how to speak English.