Wednesday Funnies :-)

David Letterman: “Top Slogans For The Wal-Mart Wine”: When Kmart Wine Just Won’t Do; I Can’t Believe It’s Not Wine; Show Your Friends How Little You Care; Kills Germs on Contact; Recommended by 4 Out of 5 Drifters!; Crack Open a Can Today!; Fresh From the Vineyards of Aisle 6; Here’s to Making Bail!

Jay Leno: “The Nativity Story” opened up in theaters last week. Did you know that Joseph, Mary and Jesus only stayed at the manager for one night? Apparently the Bethlehem city officials came by and told them had to move because it was against city code to have up a nativity scene. ... Iowa Governor Tom Vilsack officially announced he is running for president. He said his number one priority for America: get people to stop giggling at the name Vilsack. ... They say Hillary Clinton is starting to get a little paranoid because a lot of Democratic Party leaders are getting behind Barack Obama’s run for the presidency. Hillary’s worried it might be part of a vast left-wing conspiracy. ... Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez greeted a crowd of supporters by telling lame jokes and making cruel remarks about President Bush, I’m sorry that was the Barbara Streisand concert. ... The United States is aiming to ban the sale of many luxury items to North Korea, solely in an attempt to annoy North Korean leader “Mini Me” Kim Jong Il. Forget luxury items. If the U.S. really wants to annoy Kim Jong Il, ban the sale of platform shoes. ... The federal government has a new citizenship test. They said the old test for immigrants was just too outdated. Apparently it was in English. ... For Mexicans there will be two parts. A written exam and an obstacle course: swimming and jumping.