Wednesday Funnies :-)

David Letterman: “Top Ten Little-Known Facts About Barack Obama”: As a child, was taunted with “Obama’s so fat jokes”; After finishing Harvard law, served as Doug Llewelyn’s understudy on “The People’s Court”; Follows Bush’s weekly radio address DJ-ing the “Barack and Roll Power Hour”; Real last name: Obamawitz; At Senate hearings, throws on his iPod whenever John Kerry has the floor; Makes immigration speeches as hilarious, uninformed foreigner “Borat Obama”; Presides over congressional committee to lower Al Gore’s body fat; Only running for President to tick off Hillary.

Jay Leno: Spanish newspapers are reporting that Fidel Castro is in very grave condition, very ill health. In fact, his priest told him yesterday that he will soon be in a better place. And Castro said, ‘I’m going to Miami?’ ... It was Castro’s wish to be buried at sea, but, unfortunately, all the rafts are currently in use in Cuba. ... Senator Hillary Clinton is on her way back from a fact-finding tour of Iraq. She said although there are many problems in Iraq, she said there are good things about the Iraqi people—like the fact they hang adulterers. ... In her first press conference after her trip overseas, Hillary Clinton said she thinks we need to send more men to Afghanistan. The men she wants to send? John Edwards and Barack Obama. ... It’s official, Hillary Clinton is running for president of the United States. She said, “I’m in it to win.” That’s what she announced, she’s in it to win. That may seem obvious, but Democrats running for president have lost so many times they have to keep reminding themselves why they are in the race. “Oh yeah, to win.” ... Hillary says that she has gotten hundreds of calls telling her to go on the road and campaign for the next two years. That’s just from her husband Bill. ... New Mexico Governor Bill Richardson is running for president. Which is good because every day we have thousands of new Mexicans who enter the country. ... Kansas Senator Sam Brownback says he is running. He said he’s going to follow the yellow brick road to the White House. Just watch out for the Wicked Witch of New York! ... John Kerry says that he loves cookies so much that he thinks he is the illegitimate son of Cookie Monster. Really? Looks more like the illegitimate son of Herman Munster.