Wednesday Funnies... :-)

David Letterman: “Top Features Of The One Million Dollar Laptop”: Goes perfectly with your $600,000 desk chair; If you hit Control-F5, a kid shows up at your door with a meatball sub; Mouse is an actual mouse. What? That doesn’t make sense; Documentation that explains what the “Scroll lock” key actually does; High-definition lickable screen that tastes like bacon; Instead of “You got mail,” computer says “You got screwed.”

Jay Leno: We’re now finding out where all the [presidential] candidates met their spouses. Barack Obama met his wife at a law firm. John McCain met his wife at a naval officers dance. And Rudy Giuliani met his third wife when he was cheating on his first wife with his second wife. ... Hillary Clinton said today that public appearances with her and Bill would be rare. The only thing more rare? Private appearances with her and Bill. ... Iran has seized 15 British sailors, whom Iran claims had sailed into Iranian waters. Britain denied their sailors entered Iranian territory. Iran responded by denying the Holocaust. ... The UN Security Council expressed “concern” over Iran capturing those 15 British soldiers. Concern. With the UN involved this could escalate from “concern” to “severely frowned upon.” ... Comedian Eddie Griffin is OK after crashing a rare Ferrari Enzo worth 1.4 million dollars. Hit the wall. That’s something that doesn’t happen often—a Hollywood celebrity crashing a car while sober. That never happens. And he calls himself a celebrity. ... In USA Today there was an interesting article about a group of Native Americans at an Indian reservation in Minnesota who are trying to save the language of Dakota, which is on the verge of extinction. You know, it’s the same thing we’re trying to do in Los Angeles with English. ... They’ve now come out with the carbon diet—an environmentally friendly diet that reduces greenhouse gases. Let me tell you something: If your diet is so bad that you are causing global warming, just stay out of Taco Bell.