Wednesday Funnies :-)
Conan O’Brien: “There’s a new rumor that Senator Hillary Clinton recently had some plastic surgery done. Friends of Hillary deny the rumor and say, ‘Believe it or not, that’s her natural forced smile’.”
David Letterman: “Top President Bush Global Warming Solutions”: Instead of “Partly sunny,” have weatherman say “Partly cloudy”; Stop using Air Force One for Texas barbecue runs; Replace dangerous CO2 in the atmosphere with more eco-friendly CO1; Encourage people to walk more by distributing free Dr. Scholl massaging gel inserts. Are you gellin’?; Bob Barker’s free. Get him workin’ on it; Reduce hot air emissions by canceling “The View.”
Jay Leno: Paris Hilton is back in jail today. You know what that means: Your cards and letters made a difference! ... They didn’t televise the proceedings. They didn’t want this to turn into some kind of a media circus. ... The government now says it now takes about 12 weeks for an American to get a passport now. A three-month waiting list if you want to get out of the country. But of course to get into the country there’s no wait at all; you just walk across. ... A cyclone packing huge winds of up to 200 mph has hit the Persian Gulf oil fields. Iranian officials announced today they are still trying to figure out how to blame this on the Jews. ... They now say it could affect our oil prices. In fact, they said that sustained winds were measured at up to $75 a barrel. ... Leaders from the eight wealthiest countries in the world gathered in Germany for what they call the G8 Summit. The G8 was created in 1975 to give Europeans who aren’t into soccer something to riot about. ... Here’s an odd fact, according to the AARP, brushing your teeth causes up to 4,000 injuries a year. To which the British said, “See!”... According to the Boston Herald, observers are saying that Hillary Clinton looks like she’s had some work done. In fact, she has changed her appearance so much in the last year, at one of the campaign rallies, Bill accidentally hit on her.
David Letterman: “Top President Bush Global Warming Solutions”: Instead of “Partly sunny,” have weatherman say “Partly cloudy”; Stop using Air Force One for Texas barbecue runs; Replace dangerous CO2 in the atmosphere with more eco-friendly CO1; Encourage people to walk more by distributing free Dr. Scholl massaging gel inserts. Are you gellin’?; Bob Barker’s free. Get him workin’ on it; Reduce hot air emissions by canceling “The View.”
Jay Leno: Paris Hilton is back in jail today. You know what that means: Your cards and letters made a difference! ... They didn’t televise the proceedings. They didn’t want this to turn into some kind of a media circus. ... The government now says it now takes about 12 weeks for an American to get a passport now. A three-month waiting list if you want to get out of the country. But of course to get into the country there’s no wait at all; you just walk across. ... A cyclone packing huge winds of up to 200 mph has hit the Persian Gulf oil fields. Iranian officials announced today they are still trying to figure out how to blame this on the Jews. ... They now say it could affect our oil prices. In fact, they said that sustained winds were measured at up to $75 a barrel. ... Leaders from the eight wealthiest countries in the world gathered in Germany for what they call the G8 Summit. The G8 was created in 1975 to give Europeans who aren’t into soccer something to riot about. ... Here’s an odd fact, according to the AARP, brushing your teeth causes up to 4,000 injuries a year. To which the British said, “See!”... According to the Boston Herald, observers are saying that Hillary Clinton looks like she’s had some work done. In fact, she has changed her appearance so much in the last year, at one of the campaign rallies, Bill accidentally hit on her.
posted by Andy W. Rogers | 5:55 PM
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