Wednesday Funnies :-)

David Letterman: Top Surprising Facts About Dick Cheney: Every morning eats a case of Slim Jims; Shares three heart attack anniversaries with Larry King; Sent Paris cigarettes and nylons while she was in stir; Went bald at age 12; Banned from D. C. area IHOPs; Spends bulk of his time yelling at White House visitors to “get off the lawn!”

Jay Leno: The New York Times says Ralph Nader is thinking about running for president again. Nader says he rejects the term “spoiler.” Still a lot better than “loser.” ... Hillary Clinton has finally picked a theme song for her campaign. Now if she could just pick out a position on Iraq. That would be great. ... Hillary has picked “You and I” by Celine Dion as her campaign theme song. And in a related story, John McCain’s campaign song is also by Celine Dion—it’s the theme from “Titanic.” ... For his campaign, John Edwards has chosen a theme song from “Hair.” And Giuliani chose “All My Exes Live In Texas.” ... In a campaign ad that is a spoof of the big “Sopranos” finale Hillary Clinton plays the part of Tony Soprano in the diner. You know what the difference is between Hillary Clinton and Tony Soprano? Tony Soprano goes to the strip club to get away from his spouse. Hillary goes to the strip club to find her spouse. ... Bill Clinton appears in the ad too, along with the actor who played “Johnny Sack.” Johnny Sack, which, coincidentally, was also Clinton’s Secret Service codename. ... Congress now has a 14 percent approval rating, the lowest in the history of poll taking. You know what that means? George Bush is now the popular guy.