Wednesday Funnies :-)

David Letterman: “Top Things Overheard In Line To Buy The iPhone”: “Finally, I can talk on the phone while watching ‘Laverne & Shirley’ ”; “Can I call Mars with this thing?”; “Sorry folks, Apple just announced it’s obsolete”; “I’ll be right back, I have to go take an iLeak”; “This is why the terrorists hate us”; “It’s $499 for the 4GB model, or $599 for the deluxe which makes waffles.”

Jay Leno: Happy birthday to President Bush, who turned 61 on Friday. But since he’s the president, he had his age commuted down to 59. ... President Bush told British reporters last week he wishes he was a better speaker—at least that’s what they think he said. They’re not quite sure. ... As I’m sure you know, President Bush’s immigration bill failed to pass. It was voted down by the Senate. I wondered why the help at Wal-Mart seemed a little testy. ... In fact, some illegal aliens are so angry, they’re threatening to leave the country. ... Did you see all those doctors last week involved in that terrorist attack at the Glasgow airport? How scary was that? You thought the docs at your HMO were bad. ... Who watched that Live Earth thing? I guess they had a huge tree on stage—I thought it was a huge tree. Turns out it was just Al Gore giving a speech. ... Al Gore’s son, Al Gore III, arrested in Laguna Niguel, California. Police found marijuana in his car. Police searched the car after pulling him over for going 100mph in his Prius. When his dad found out he said, “Whew, thank God it was a Prius. That could’ve been so embarrassing.”