Wednesday Funnies :-)

Jay Leno: Another scorching day. They say this heat is either due to global warming or because it’s July. They are not quite sure. ... Homeland Security Chief Michael Chertoff said that he had a gut feeling that there would be another terrorist attack this summer. Now is that reliable? How do we know it’s not just bad clams? It’s like, “False alarm. It was Long John Silver, we’re gonna be fine.” ... Former President Bill Clinton said he is backing his wife because she is the most qualified and not be cause of any spousal obligation. And believe me, if there’s one guy who’s not swayed by spousal obligation, it’s Bill Clinton. ... Bill Clinton is about to publish a new book called “Giving.” “Giving?” Shouldn’t “Getting” be the name of his new book? ... Hillary Clinton, John Edwards and Barack Obama have all agreed to appear at the first-ever gay debate. The whole debate will only deal with gay issues. Like gay marriage and things like that... Each candidate has an appeal for gay voters. I mean, Barack Obama knows what it’s like to face intolerance; John Edwards gets $400 haircuts; and Hillary is really in need of a makeover. ... John Edwards said today that he has always supported gay rights. Edwards said the only problem he’s ever had with gays is that they charge too much for a haircut. ... Senator Ted Kennedy reported for jury duty this week, but was dismissed because of a conflict of interest. Turns out all 15 trials that day involved other Kennedys.