Wednesday Funnies :-)
Conan O’Brien: “Latest on the campaign: It was reported that things are going so badly for Senator John McCain that he has to carry his own luggage. Meanwhile, things are going so badly for Dennis Kucinich’s campaign, he has to carry Barack Obama’s luggage.”
David Letterman: “Top Signs President Bush Needs A Vacation”: Staffers found him having a conversation with a coat rack; Asked CIA director to have Jason Bourne join hunt for Osama; Hasn’t stopped sobbing since he was passed over for “The Price is Right”; Has only seen the new Harry Potter movie four times; So overworked he’s pronouncing words correctly; He’s been drinking like an astronaut.
Jay Leno: Today Chinese officials recalled one million tons of lead because it may contain toys. ... Hillary Clinton was chastised by The Washington Post for showing too much cleavage in front of the Senate. See, that seems sexist to me. They’ve never gone after Senator Ted Kennedy for doing the exact same thing. ... Isn’t this ridiculous? Shouldn’t we be focusing on I-raq, not her rack? ... It’s amazing isn’t it? The United States is 231 years old, but apparently the media is only 13. ... Democratic presidential candidate Barack Obama said today that he would not use nuclear weapons under any circumstances. I didn’t realize his battle with Hillary had escalated to this level. I just thought there was a little friction. ... Madame Tussauds’ new wax museum in Washington, DC, is going to feature a “scandal room,” featuring wax likenesses of elected officials involved in sex, alcohol or ethics scandals. Why would you go there, when you can just walk five blocks to the Capitol building and see the real thing? ... If you haven’t seen “The Bourne Ultimatum,” it’s about a guy who works for the government but can’t remember his past. The original title was “The Alberto Gonzales Story.” ... Happy Birthday to our governor, Arnold Schwarzenegger, who is 60 years old. You can tell he’s getting up there. Remember when he used to say things like, “I’ll be back”? Now he says, “Ow, my back.”
David Letterman: “Top Signs President Bush Needs A Vacation”: Staffers found him having a conversation with a coat rack; Asked CIA director to have Jason Bourne join hunt for Osama; Hasn’t stopped sobbing since he was passed over for “The Price is Right”; Has only seen the new Harry Potter movie four times; So overworked he’s pronouncing words correctly; He’s been drinking like an astronaut.
Jay Leno: Today Chinese officials recalled one million tons of lead because it may contain toys. ... Hillary Clinton was chastised by The Washington Post for showing too much cleavage in front of the Senate. See, that seems sexist to me. They’ve never gone after Senator Ted Kennedy for doing the exact same thing. ... Isn’t this ridiculous? Shouldn’t we be focusing on I-raq, not her rack? ... It’s amazing isn’t it? The United States is 231 years old, but apparently the media is only 13. ... Democratic presidential candidate Barack Obama said today that he would not use nuclear weapons under any circumstances. I didn’t realize his battle with Hillary had escalated to this level. I just thought there was a little friction. ... Madame Tussauds’ new wax museum in Washington, DC, is going to feature a “scandal room,” featuring wax likenesses of elected officials involved in sex, alcohol or ethics scandals. Why would you go there, when you can just walk five blocks to the Capitol building and see the real thing? ... If you haven’t seen “The Bourne Ultimatum,” it’s about a guy who works for the government but can’t remember his past. The original title was “The Alberto Gonzales Story.” ... Happy Birthday to our governor, Arnold Schwarzenegger, who is 60 years old. You can tell he’s getting up there. Remember when he used to say things like, “I’ll be back”? Now he says, “Ow, my back.”
posted by Andy W. Rogers | 6:11 PM
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