Wednesday Funnies :-)

Drew Carey on taking the hosting job at “The Price is Right”: “You’re giving away prizes all day and making everybody happy... You couldn’t do better. And it’s not even your money. You’re giving away money and getting credit for it. I feel like a congressman. I’m like the junior Ted Stevens.”

Conan O’Brien: “The results of President’s Bush’s annual physical were released [last week]. It revealed that last year President Bush got a rash from a tick bite. After hearing this, Bill Clinton said, ‘A rash from a tick bite? I’ll have to remember that one’.”

Jay Leno: It was so hot today I was sweating like a Chinese toy salesman. ... It was so hot in North Carolina even John Edwards had a bad hair day. ... This week, the government announced a new operation to crack down on the hiring of illegals here in Los Angeles. It’s called Operation You’re Going To Have To Cut Your Own Lawn and Raise Your Own Kids. ... Another Democratic debate last [week]. I don’t want to say it did bad in the ratings, but it had so few viewers it was declared an NBC prime-time show. ... Did you see that horrible rainstorm in New York City? The flooding was so bad Hillary Clinton had to switch from a pantsuit to a wetsuit. ... Next week, presidential candidate Hillary Clinton will work a shift as a nurse at a Las Vegas hospital. And you thought your doctor’s hands were cold. ... Rudy Giuliani and Mitt Romney say they will not participate in the Republican debate next month in Florida. John McCain said he will be there—if he can get a ride. ... Elizabeth Edwards is speaking out again. She says the problem with her husband’s fundraising campaign is she can’t make him black, and she can’t make him a woman. That’s the same problem with Michael Jackson’s people.