Wednesday Funnies :-)

Conan O’Brien: “During a recent speech, President Bush said, ‘My job is a decision-making job. As a result, I have made a lot of decisions.’ Apparently, Bush’s decision that day was to write his own speech.”

David Letterman: “Top Signs Hillary Clinton Is Getting Cocky”: Already selected her victory pantsuit; Canceled today’s campaign appearances; Went to see “Good Luck Chuck”; Spent most of the last debate listening to her iPod; Hired Faith Hill to beat up women who’ve hit on Bill; Assembled a Las Vegas crew to steal her football memorabilia; Calling Giuliani during speeches to say she loves him; Already issuing memos about putting White House toilet seats down; Responds to difficult questions with, “Oh no you didn’t!”; Told Bill he can start dating again.

Jay Leno: It’s starting to get nasty out on the campaign trail. This week a spokesman for John Edwards is accusing Barack Obama of stealing John Edwards’ ideas. Obama apparently has a secret plan to slip into third place. ... Barack Obama announced he is flying back home to Chicago to have a have a hot 15th wedding anniversary date with his wife. Every candidate spends their anniversary differently—Rudy Giuliani spends his trying to remember which wife he’s married to, Hillary Clinton spends her wedding anniversary trying to track down Bill, and Fred Thompson spends his helping his young wife with her homework. ... Recently, Hillary Clinton was asked what role her husband Bill would play if she becomes president. Hillary said Bill would be sent around the world as a roving ambassador. Gee, I wonder which one of them came up with that idea? ... The U.S. military is now targeting al-Qa’ida’s Internet capabilities. Apparently, al-Qa’ida is trying to recruit new members on the Internet. They hook up on something called Jihad-Harmony.com. ... Border agents have now been issued air guns that shoot pepper balls at people coming across the Mexican border. Have they thought this through? Is that going to bother people from Mexico? Pepper balls? Don’t these people eat jalapenos? Isn’t that like firing meatballs at an Italian guy?