Wednesday Funnies :-)
Charles Krauthammer: “The Democratic primary campaign has been breathtakingly empty. What passes for substance is an absurd contest of hopeful change (Obama) vs. experienced change (Clinton) vs. angry change (John Edwards playing Hugo Chavez in English).”
David Letterman: “Top Ten Signs Your Presidential Campaign is in Trouble”: When asked what you’d do about Iraq, you say, “Do I Rock?”; You’re often described as “John Kerry without Charisma”; Many of your supporters have been hospitalized because you ordered your campaign buttons from China; You’ve been running negative ads about yourself; Only Endorsement you’ve received was from “Burrito Afficionado” magazine; When reporting caucus results, media refers to you as “Other”; “Meet the Press” appearance turns ugly when you put Tim Russert in a headlock; Budget director blew most of your campaign funds betting on the Knicks; You’ve primarily been campaigning in Canada; You often ask, “What would George W. Bush do?”
Jay Leno: Big news: Barack Obama has increased his Secret Service protection. And that’s just from Hillary. ... Some sad news for Barack Obama. Did you hear about this? Apparently, he’s been endorsed by former candidate, John Kerry. Just when things are going so well. ... This year, the Immigration and Naturalization Service has raised their fee to become a U.S. citizen. It now costs about $700. You know how much the Immigration and Naturalization Service expects to make this year from people becoming U.S. citizens? Over $1,400. ... I read something about terrorists. The scariest weapon is a dirty bomb. It’s a regular bomb that’s coated in radioactive waste. It’s the same thing as a corndog. ... According to a new survey, 11 percent of all Americans between the ages of 18 and 24 could not find the United States on a map of the world. How pathetic is that? President Bush commented on this today, he said, “Why do we need our kids to find the U.S. on a map? They’re already here.”
David Letterman: “Top Ten Signs Your Presidential Campaign is in Trouble”: When asked what you’d do about Iraq, you say, “Do I Rock?”; You’re often described as “John Kerry without Charisma”; Many of your supporters have been hospitalized because you ordered your campaign buttons from China; You’ve been running negative ads about yourself; Only Endorsement you’ve received was from “Burrito Afficionado” magazine; When reporting caucus results, media refers to you as “Other”; “Meet the Press” appearance turns ugly when you put Tim Russert in a headlock; Budget director blew most of your campaign funds betting on the Knicks; You’ve primarily been campaigning in Canada; You often ask, “What would George W. Bush do?”
Jay Leno: Big news: Barack Obama has increased his Secret Service protection. And that’s just from Hillary. ... Some sad news for Barack Obama. Did you hear about this? Apparently, he’s been endorsed by former candidate, John Kerry. Just when things are going so well. ... This year, the Immigration and Naturalization Service has raised their fee to become a U.S. citizen. It now costs about $700. You know how much the Immigration and Naturalization Service expects to make this year from people becoming U.S. citizens? Over $1,400. ... I read something about terrorists. The scariest weapon is a dirty bomb. It’s a regular bomb that’s coated in radioactive waste. It’s the same thing as a corndog. ... According to a new survey, 11 percent of all Americans between the ages of 18 and 24 could not find the United States on a map of the world. How pathetic is that? President Bush commented on this today, he said, “Why do we need our kids to find the U.S. on a map? They’re already here.”
posted by Andy W. Rogers | 7:38 PM
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