Wednesday Funnies :-)

David Letterman: From “Top Ten Reasons Fidel Castro Is Retiring”: He has accepted the role of Dr. Ramon Vazquez on “General Hospital”; Achieved his goal of getting Cuba’s unemployment rate under 83%; Wants to spend more time interrogating his family; Just got Season One of “Gilmore Girls”; Caught injecting human growth hormone into his wife, Debbie Castro; Too many tacos; He was adopted by Angelina Jolie; Always promised himself he’d quit torturing when it stopped being fun.

Jay Leno: Hillary Clinton is on the campaign trail. She’s been speaking about Black History Month. She’s been saying that America has come so far that a black man could one day grow up and possibly be vice president. ... This has not been a good week for Hillary. I guess Bill bought her a dozen roses for Valentine’s Day. Turns out seven of the roses have committed to Michelle Obama. ... Hillary has lost the last [ten] primaries in a row. So any crying you see from now on is going to be real. ... Things aren’t looking good for Hillary. Like a lot of women in Washington, I think she’s just starting to realize she may have slept with Bill Clinton for nothing. ... Barack Obama now is considered the front-runner. You know what they say, behind every successful man is a woman. Hillary was surprised to find out that it was her.