Wednesday Funnies :-)

David Letterman: “Top Ralph Nader Campaign Promises”: Fund universal healthcare by making Wesley Snipes pay his taxes; Give the presidency a rumpled, Walter Matthau quality; The freezing over of Hell should solve our global warming crisis; Can fill out a pantsuit better than Hillary; Will hover in polls between one percent and “Statistically Insignificant.

Jay Leno: In political news, Ralph Nader has decided to run for president. Well, you thought Mike Huckabee didn’t know when to quit, huh? There you go. In fact, Ralph Nader’s campaign slogan—”It’s me again.“ ... What do you call somebody at a Ralph Nader campaign rally? Ralph Nader. He’s the only one there. ... He’s gonna be 74 next week. In fact, the good news: If Ralph gets sick, his younger brother, Raul Nader, will then take over. ... Well, you know who’s thrilled that Nader is back in the race? John McCain. He’s not the oldest guy anymore. ... Oh, and Barack Obama made another woman faint today. The bad news, it was Hillary when she saw the poll numbers... The New York Times alleged that John McCain had an inappropriate relationship with a young female lobbyist. I haven’t seen McCain this angry since ”Matlock“ was canceled. ... A lot of people are questioning the source of this story. See, it’s never good when an article begins, ”Dude, guess what I heard.“