Rush Limbaugh's Morning Update: Way Out

Well, the last time there was a scandal of this proportion, American skrool kids asked parents to explain the intricacies of oral relationships between the president and his intern. Years afterward there were news stories about the rising popularity of "oral relations" among teenagers.

Now little kids are no doubt asking: "Daddy, what's prostitution? And why do prostitutes have 'rings'?" Will news of Governor Spitzer's situation affect the call-girl sector, my friends? I guess we'll have to monitor what kids do with their allowance to find out.

Now the New York Times is saying that Spitzer's aides expect him to resign, but I don't think Spitzer's on that same page. A pathway to emerge with his power intact has already been laid -- so to speak. The governor already took the first step by refusing to immediately resign. If, as threatened, Republicans in New York's Legislature bring impeachment proceedings, it will enhance his standing.

Governor Spitzer, let me help you out here. To hang in there, reiterate that this is a private family matter; doesn't affect how you do your job. Pledge to work harder than ever! Blame the sex-starved prosecutors; accuse them of using Bush's illegal spying program to catch you. Charge them with abuse of power for leaking the identity of "Superdelegate Number 9." Next, send your surrogates out with these messages: "Everybody does it." "Sex with a prostitute isn't really sex -- it's just a transaction." And then send out your wife to claim that it's a vast right-wing conspiracy.

There is a way out here, Governor Spitzer. In the end -- at least among liberals -- you could end up a hero!

Read the Background Material on the Morning Update...
• New York Times: Aides Say They Expect Spitzer to Resign