Wednesday Funnies... :-)

David Letterman: "Top Signs You're Not Going To Win An Academy Award": You're up against King Kong for Best Giant Movie; Instead of asking what you're wearing, Joan Rivers asks why you showed up; Your film is used to torture Gitmo detainees; Gretzky's wife bet a grand against you; Your acting has been compared to Steven Segal; George W. Bush has information you're going to win; You spent months learning to become a gay cowboy, but you're not an actor.

Jay Leno: President Bush's approval rating has fallen to an all time low of 34%. In fact, his ratings are so low his new secret service code name is "NBC." ... The Rolling Stones will be performing in China. A lot has changed since the last Rolling Stones last visit. China built a great wall. ... It was reported in the paper this week that even as Hillary Clinton was working to stop the Dubai port deal, her husband Bill Clinton was advising Dubai on how to get the deal through. She was trying to stop it and he was trying to make the deal. Forget women, now he's cheating on her with other countries. ... Hillary Clinton now says she didn't know her husband, Bill Clinton, was giving Dubai advice on the port deal while she was ruling against it. Hillary not knowing what her husband is doing—is that the first time this has happened? ... Real shocker was that "Crash" upset "Brokeback Mountain" to win "Best Picture." They were not happy in West Hollywood. They were looting Pottery Barns, flipping over Volvos, smashing Liza Minnelli records. It was ugly.