FOX NEWS-WHITE HOUSE MERGER COMPLETED

Bill O’Reilly Named Secretary of Defense

The Borowitz Report

One day after being named the new White House spokesman, former Fox News pundit Tony Snow announced that a deal merging Fox News and the Bush White House had been successfully completed.

“The merger between Fox News and the White House can be summed up in one word: synergy,” Mr. Snow said. “The two entities have been working in lockstep for five years now and this merger is a formal acknowledgment of that fact.”

While many Beltway observers had long assumed that a merger between the White House and Fox News was inevitable, not until reporters saw workmen hanging a “Fair and Balanced” sign from the White House portico this morning did they know a deal had finally been struck.

According to those familiar with the deal, the final sticking point in the negotiations was ironed out late last night when President George W. Bush agreed to report to Fox News owner Rupert Murdoch.

Moments after the merger was announced, Mr. Snow introduced the latest member of the Bush Cabinet, Secretary of Defense Bill O’Reilly.

In his first official act as Defense Secretary, Mr. O’Reilly called CNN “a gathering threat” and added the cable news network to the Axis of Evil.

Mr. O’Reilly’s comments drew sharp criticism from Sen. Joseph Biden (D-Del), who told reporters, “I don’t see how CNN can be considered a threat when their biggest weapon is Larry King.”