Wednesday Funnies... :-)

David Letterman: "Top Signs You're At A Bad Fireworks Display": What you call a fireworks display, the police call arson; Best part was when the bug zapper fell in the pool; Only celebrity they could get is the Geico lizard; Al Gore shuts it down because of atmosphere-warming sulfure emissions; It starts at noon; It's just a couple of guys yelling, "Ka-Boom!"; Finale of show: A stick of dynamite blows up your car; Fireworks form a colorful image of CNN personality Larry King; You're handed a program and a business card of several personal injury attorneys.

Jay Leno: The other day a 140-year-old tree fell on the White House lawn because of the storm. Well actually, it was a combination of factors that brought the tree down: the weather, the age of the tree, and of course, Patrick Kennedy's car.... Terrible rains in Washington, DC [last] week. In fact, Karl Rove's office was leaking again. ... It rained so hard in Washington, President Bush had to take shelter in a theater showing Al Gore's movie. ... Major flooding struck all parts of the federal government. In fact, the FEMA office had over three feet of water in it. Here's the sad part: They still don't know! ... A prominent Polish politician in Poland escaped a drunk driving arrest after he told the police he was only using vodka as a mouthwash. And today, Patrick Kennedy said, "That's what happened to me." ... Anybody see "The Lakehouse," that new movie? Keanu Reeves plays a man stuck in the year 2004, as we call him—John Kerry. It's about a man and a woman having a relationship, but they never actually meet or see each other. They just communicate by leaving notes—or as the Clintons call that, a "marriage." ... And it looks like there's problem in the Democratic ranks. It seems tension between Hillary Clinton and Senate Democrat leader Harry Reid are reportedly so high, it's almost like Hillary's married to him.