Wednesday Funnies :-)
David Letterman: “Top Signs Osama Bin Laden Isn’t Really Dead”: He’s appearing in Atlantic City this weekend with Tony Danza; He’s been updating his MySpace page all week; Called Mike and the Mad Dog this afternoon to complain about the Giants; He’s captain of the Muslim team on the all new “Survivor”; Empty case of Yoo-Hoo was recently discovered in lawless border region of Afghanistan; Spotted at al-Qa’ida’s annual “Lunatic Father-Son Cookout”; During Fashion Week, he unveiled his fall line of turbans; New tape featuring Osama declaring Jihad on tainted spinach.
Jay Leno: Radical Muslims are still angry at the Pope. They say the Pope insulted a whole people and their religion. Then they went back to calling for the destruction of Israel and killing everyone. ... President Clinton is still very upset that ABC did not pull the [“Path to 9/11”]. In fact, he told them that he was thinking about changing his mind about appearing on the show “Wife Swap.” ... President Clinton lost his temper in an interview with Chris Wallace. He might not be the pleasant and polite first lady Hillary needs after all. ... Even Muslims watching the interview were saying, “Take it easy!” ... President Bush, the president of Iran and the president of Venezuela all spoke at the United Nations, and they all made a point of not listening to each other’s speeches. Where would we be if world leaders didn’t have a place where they could all get together and ignore one another? ... The leader of Hezbollah appeared in public today for the first time since the cease-fire with Israel. He told the Lebanese people, “I feel your pain.” You know, that’s Bill Clinton’s line. You can’t call us the ‘Great Satan’ and then steal all of our president’s lines. ... Liquids can now be carried on flights again. However the liquids must be bought in airport gift shops. So basically you’ll have to buy a 3 ounce bottle of hair gel for $167. You know who thought of this? The airport gift shops. ... Starbucks has announced they are not happy with the 8,600 stores they have in the United States. Now they want to increase that number to 20,000. That’s smart business planning. See, with Al Gore getting ready to run for president again, people are going to need all the caffeine they can get.
Jay Leno: Radical Muslims are still angry at the Pope. They say the Pope insulted a whole people and their religion. Then they went back to calling for the destruction of Israel and killing everyone. ... President Clinton is still very upset that ABC did not pull the [“Path to 9/11”]. In fact, he told them that he was thinking about changing his mind about appearing on the show “Wife Swap.” ... President Clinton lost his temper in an interview with Chris Wallace. He might not be the pleasant and polite first lady Hillary needs after all. ... Even Muslims watching the interview were saying, “Take it easy!” ... President Bush, the president of Iran and the president of Venezuela all spoke at the United Nations, and they all made a point of not listening to each other’s speeches. Where would we be if world leaders didn’t have a place where they could all get together and ignore one another? ... The leader of Hezbollah appeared in public today for the first time since the cease-fire with Israel. He told the Lebanese people, “I feel your pain.” You know, that’s Bill Clinton’s line. You can’t call us the ‘Great Satan’ and then steal all of our president’s lines. ... Liquids can now be carried on flights again. However the liquids must be bought in airport gift shops. So basically you’ll have to buy a 3 ounce bottle of hair gel for $167. You know who thought of this? The airport gift shops. ... Starbucks has announced they are not happy with the 8,600 stores they have in the United States. Now they want to increase that number to 20,000. That’s smart business planning. See, with Al Gore getting ready to run for president again, people are going to need all the caffeine they can get.
posted by Andy W. Rogers | 5:44 PM
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