Wednesday Funnies :-)

David Letterman: “Top Signs You Have A Bad Stockbroker”: He’s unavailable whenever “General Hospital” is on; Invested your entire portfolio in JetBlue; Instead of Wall Street, he works at Wal-Mart; He shaves his head and goes into rehab; Keeps using the word Ga-zillion; A few years back told Martha, “Sure, it’s legal.”

Jay Leno: Kind of an embarrassing situation for Al Gore with his whole global warming thing. Turns out his Tennessee home has been using 20 times the energy as the average household. To be fair, it is still not as much energy as John Edwards’ blow-dryer is using. ... That is an inconvenient truth. He lives in a mansion in Tennessee that has eight bathrooms. And three of them are indoors. ... Actually, you know why is using so much energy. Have you seen Al lately? I think he’s been keeping that refrigerator door open a little too long. ... A state senator in Florida wants to outlaw the term “illegal alien” because it’s insensitive. They want to go with the more politically correct term, “WalMart-ian.” May I suggest “Mexican explorer”? ... Iran is going to build an island just for women who want to go on vacation. No men will be allowed on the island. Which of course leads to the philosophical question: If something goes wrong, whose fault will it be? ... Prince Charles says he wants to ban McDonald’s. He said banning McDonald’s is the key to living a healthy lifestyle. Really? Why did he single out McDonald’s? I think banning Dominos would make more sense. They deliver the junk food to your house. At least with McDonalds you have to get off your rear and walk to your car. Prince Charles says he wants to ban McDonald’s to teach people that excess is bad. Who better to teach people that excess is bad than a guy who lives in a giant castle?