Wednesday Funnies :-)

Conan O’Brien: “Fred Thompson, who is a former star of ‘Law & Order,’ confirmed that he is running for president. Afterwards, Thompson promised to solve the crisis in Iraq by the end of the episode.”

David Letterman: “Top Signs Osama bin Laden is Alive and Well”: FBI has indicted him for funding an illegal goat-fighting operation; On recent al-Qa’ida audiotape, he says some kind words about Merv Griffin; The new U.S. Weekly has photos of him in a hot tub with Britney; The congratulatory phone call to Barry Bonds; He’s booked with Regis and Susan Lucci at Foxwoods Resort & Casino; His MySpace page was updated this morning; Seen house hunting in L.A. with wife Posh bin Laden.

Jay Leno: President Bush was going to give the White House staff the day off for Labor Day, but then he realized everyone resigned—no one works there anymore. ... A couple of big anniversaries [last] week. It’s been two years since Hurricane Katrina and one year since FEMA found out about it. ... A lot of people are now calling Sen. Larry Craig a hypocrite because he was a very vocal opponent of same-sex marriages. But to be fair, he has never publicly come out against anonymous, gay, bathroom sex. ... You had the cop on one side. You know who was in the stall on the other side? Former New Jersey Gov. Jim McGreevey. If he just tapped his foot the other way, this whole thing could’ve had a happy ending. ... Speaking at a forum organized by Lance Armstrong on cancer research, Hillary Clinton told Chris Matthews if she were elected president, she would declare war on cancer, then she would support the war on cancer for two years, then she would be against it for a year, then she would back out of it all together.